youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
