Just cropdusted the office
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
