Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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