Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
