Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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