Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
