you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
