we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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