she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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