can u get pink eye on your cock?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
