she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
