So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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