I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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