So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
