is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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