His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think my vagina is haunted
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
