Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize