Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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