I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize