She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
