We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
