Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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