Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize