the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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