I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
