All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
