we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
