I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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