Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize