I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
