This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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