why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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