i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
