Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
