The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
