he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
