I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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