well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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