Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
