I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
