Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize