so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
