I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
