walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
my poor anus
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
