kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
