at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize