Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize