he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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