apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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