So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
