Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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