I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
