Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
