She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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