He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
