my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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