Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
