just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you would pick up someone in the library
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize