If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
