I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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