i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
