you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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