So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
