Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
